Posted by: amamasblog | February 8, 2007

My Cole


Cole was born at the end of May, 2006.  From almost the start of my pregnancy with him, I thought he was a girl, mainly because I felt the opposite with him than when I was pregnant with Ryan.  We didn’t find out ahead of time, so I was really surprised when he was born and the nurses told me he was a boy.  Joe had thought he was a boy, so he wasn’t as surprised.

We had only decided on a boy’s name on the drive to the hospital- we had a few names we had been floating around, but decided on Cole, if we happened to have a boy.

I was absolutely in love the second I laid eyes on my sweet Cole.  I was so very happy that I was able to have a vaginal birth with him, because I had a c-section with Ryan (he was breech and never turned.) The c-section was the worse experience of my life, but I’ll save that for another post.  I felt so powerful and alive after Cole was born, even though it was the hardest thing I had ever done.  I was in labor for 40+ hours with him, and slept about an hour total, so I was completely exhausted, but the thought of having to have another c-section, if I didn’t keep working, kept me going.  I’ll post Cole’s birth story here at another time too.

Almost immediately, I knew Cole was very different than Ryan.  For one thing, he didn’t want to be put down, and wanted to nurse non-stop.  After not sleeping for 46 hours, by the time he had been born, I knew I needed some rest that first night, so after nursing him to sleep, we asked the nurses to take him for a while, so Joe and I could sleep.  The hospital we had Cole at, is very baby friendly and the nurses actually hold the baby- they don’t put them in a nursery- in fact they don’t even have a nursery there, and they only keep the baby until they start showing signs that they need to nurse, so I felt confident in letting the nurses hold him until he wanted to nurse again.

Two hours later, they brought Cole back to me (it was around midnight), and those two hours of sleep seemed like heaven.  Cole started to nurse, and he nursed, and nursed, and nursed, and nursed.  By 4 pm that afternoon, he was still nursing and he would scream if I set him down, even to change his diaper, or even if he was asleep; he would wake up immediately as soon as he was out of my arms. I didn’t think too much of it at the time.

A week later, he still screamed every time I put him down and I was beginning to realize that I had a “high needs” baby on my hands.  I really dislike that term, so I decided to call him my “cuddle-bug”, and “extra attention” baby.  After reading about these types of babies on the Dr. Sears website, I decided I needed to tune into what Cole was trying to tell me, and go with it. 

It has been hard at times, but he has rewarded us so many times over.  He has the best personality, and his smile can just melt my heart in a moment.  He can be completely upset, crying, and mad, one second, and as soon as you pick him up, he is all smiles.  I also get rewarded with that giant toothy, gummy smile every morning when he wakes up.  He actually doesn’t cry when he wakes up; he just looks around and when he sees me, he just breaks out his smile.  He has challenged me in ways I never thought I could take, and some days I didn’t think I was going to make it, but it also seems like the love I get back from him is double what the challenges are.

He seems to be a mama’s boy 100% right now, in that he is just now letting Joe hold him and cuddle him more.  He really didn’t allow Joe to cuddle with him very much- he definitely preferred me.  My mom, (Nana), and Joe’s mom, were life-savers for me those first few weeks, in helping me with Cole and Ryan.  My mom came out for a short visit and got Cole to take a pacifier which was a much needed break for me, being the human pacifier to him, and he would allow her to hold him, so I would be able to have a few moments with Ryan, or grab a shower.  Joe’s mom and dad were great in taking care of Ryan for me and giving him extra love and attention when I couldn’t.

So now as Cole is approaching his ninth month, he is still very specific on what he needs and wants, but he’s “chilling” out a bit too.  As he is eating more solids, he doesn’t need to nurse as much for food as well as comfort, but he will still track me down, crawling with tears running down his face, if he has decided he needs to be nursed that second.

Sleep is still a challenge for us because he wants to be nursed all night, even though he isn’t hungry- he just craves that human contact. Still, when I think about how fast this time goes, I know it won’t be very long before I am wondering where his baby days went, and be wishing he still wanted me to hold him all night. 

I am so glad he is who he is, and I would not trade him for a second.  He is the sweetest, and most lovable baby, I could ever dream of having.  I love him so much, it makes me get tears in my eyes thinking about him.  I hope in the future, he will not lose the intensity that he has, because that is what makes him my Cole.

(The picture at the top was Cole at 6 months, and the picture below, I took today.)




  1. what a sweet tribute to cole, heather. gosh, i’m almost teary-eyed myself.
    i always try to remind myself too, when things are hard, that my kids’ baby and toddler years are soooo short in the grand scheme of things. so while something might seem so hard in the moment, i know it will all too soon be a distant memory.
    keep up the great work, mama. 🙂

  2. You are an amazing mama! I’m so glad I know you and we’re sharing in this journey together 🙂

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